insecurities

Oshrat thinks she's rubbing off on me- and not in a good way. I told her not to worry, it would take a lot for her to make me worse. I am still going through that phase where i just cant seem to take life seriously- or rather, i dont want to. Subconsciously my mind is saying "you've overworked me enough, just let me be and have fun kiddo", and that's exactly what i've been doing for 2 months. Sure i'm still keeping up with my major responsibilities, but other than that i've just chasing dreams; Sleeping, enjoying breakfasts (when did i ever used to eat breakfast?) workout and take long showers (i lost 8 pounds!), and best of all, spend time with E. We're so different in certain things, and yet it just feels so good being with him. I really hope it's more than lust. I think it is. He just makes me feel so... healed after everything. He doesnt talk much, but he listens and let's me know that i'm not alone- which is just what i need right now. It may not be security what we have, but what is secure in life? Not friendships, engagements, marriages, money, or even life. So i just close my eyes, take in his unique smell of some honey scotch, gum, and faint trace of smoke, and let him hold me tight.

He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
Had i the heavens' embroidered cloths
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But i, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
-W.B. Yeats 

jump rope

at first i thought i'd keep up a steady blogging pace, posting at least once a week. That seems to have failed... Life is like jump rope, you're either trying to jump in, staying in the game, or taking a breather outside of the game. The past few weeks i feel as though i've been vigorously jumping rope (hence the lack of posts). Even now i don't have much time to write anything, life has been hectic- a good hectic. Filled with lots of fun and outings, costume making, and drunk dialings. Gotta love those drunk dialers after a night of drinking on st paddy's day ;)